He looked down at his tightly folded hands.
“I let her push you out of my life a little more every month. I told myself she was simply being protective of our marriage.”
“I’m sorry, Christine. I am so deeply sorry.”
I studied my father.
I mean that literally. I looked at him the way you examine someone you love when you are trying to separate who that person is from what he has done.
He seemed smaller than I remembered.
Not physically, but in the way grief and shame could fold a person inward.
I thought about all the years he had spent building a life with my mother. I remembered his steadiness when I was young and the way he had continued moving forward after she died.
Then I considered how even a steady person could lose his footing in the disorienting loneliness of later life.
“I’m not going to pretend this didn’t hurt,” I said carefully. “Watching you pull away over the past few months hurt. Learning about the case before you even knew what your own wife was doing hurt more than I allowed anyone to see.”